We went to another specialiast on Friday in hopes of them being able to pin point exactly what Miranda is allergic or intolerant to so I could eat more. Instead, I got a list of at least 30 more things I can't have!!!! They believe she's allergic to everything I was avoiding plus gluten, rice, corn, all grains (except possibly one organic brown rice grain might be ok), onions, etc. I hadn't brought any other foods to test or the list would be longer. They tested the breast milk and said she was really allergic to that too. They had also tested me and said I was intolerant to everything as well. I asked how long it would take to notice a difference on the diet and they said it could take years....not what I wanted to hear. They also suggested that Brianna should go on a gluten and casein free diet. They gave me a short list of 6 things I could eat (all bought at random expensive stores) and everything else that I can eat had to be organic (fruits, veggies and meat) and couldn't include the citrus, berries, onions, celery, melons, etc. Both girls were getting really fussy and I just wanted to get out of there. So I got in the car with my two whiny girls and all 3 of us cried the entire way home! I felt so overwhelmed and depressed at the thought of eating even less things than I had been....and for years, not weeks or months.
After coming home and sobbing to my husband how I felt like a failure as a mother I tried one of the shakes they said I could drink and I gagged! It was disgusting. How am I supposed to survive on this? After feeling sorry for myself for a few hours I decided that it may not be best for me to nurse this baby. It took Brianna the entire first year to feel better and that was after I quit nursing. She did gradually get better as she ate more solids and nursed less. So, after many tears I decided to quit nursing and try the formula. Though they think she's allergic to the formula too, at least she does a little better on it. Currently there is no formula out there that doesn't have one of the ingredients they think she's allergic to. I should mention that I started nursing again last week and she immediately started getting really sick to her tummy again. She also gets congestion when nursing (which is a sign of allergy/intolerance). So, even though they suggested I continue the diet for myself for several years or the rest of my life, I caved in and ate this Friday night.
and boy was it delicious!!! The next morning my tummy wasn't very happy and I guess we'll see if I can tolerate any of these foods any more, but I sure enjoyed it when I ate it! After eating so many different "banned" foods this weekend I felt like I was somehow being evil. Like I was an alcoholic who had stayed sober for a long time and just gave up and drank everything in sight. I think it will take me awhile to feel good about eating these things.I had Chad and a friend give both Miranda and I blessings that night. In my blessing I was reminded that no matter what I feel like I'm going through it can never be compared to what the Savior went through for me (all of us) and that He knows exactly how I'm feeling. I immediately thought of this scripture in D&C 122:8 Where is says, "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art though greater than he?" This put things into perspective for me. I was also told to have patience and faith.
Doesn't it always seem like patience is the answer? That's a hard one for me. Anyway, I know this will all work out somehow, but when and how I have no idea!
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7 comments:
First of all, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. What a bummer.
Seriously, from a mom that was a milk dud with all but 1 of her babies, and felt so guilty for years about it, don't put yourself through it! It's okay not nurse her, especially if she's not doing as well nursing as she is on the formula. Nursing is about doing what's best for baby, right? Well, sometimes it's not the best choice, especially when it's affecting the happiness of mom and therefore the family in such a negative way. That's just my opinion.
I hope you have a better week!
oh my goodness! You poor thing!!! What are you going to do? You know, my SIL had a baby that was super fussy and up every hour or less during the night when she nursed, and was only slightly better on formula, so at around 7 months, they even stopped formula and just used baby food... and a lot of it, and I don't remember if they tried anything else to make up for the formula/breastmilk he didn't get. I can ask her about it if you are interested. I wonder if it was a similar thing--but I don't know if they ever had him tested.
Don't feel guilty about anything--just do what you feel is best and will keep everyone happy (or as happy as can be!). I'm so glad you got a blessing, as I read the first part, I was thinking that would be good... so I'm glad it happened. Don't be too hard on yourself either!
PS I did get your comment about wanting links to those sites, I just keep putting it off... I'll send you an email this week!
I was about to send you an email to see if things were going any better in this department. Sad to see that there is still struggle. Keep up the patience and creative cooking. GOOD LUCK!!
-Ellie
Poor Erin! Getting a blessing was a good thing to do. And I agree with Julia- If doing what is best for the baby includes doing what is best for momma.
Oh dear! What a complicated list. And how sad to not know how to best feed your baby.
As for the gluten free diet, try this blog. I think most (if not all) of her recipes are gluten free and made in a slow cooker.
http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/
Hang in there, Erin! You are a superstar and I know it can't be easy, but you will do this and you will be blessed for it. That scriptures in D&C is one of my absolute favorites. He has been where you are, feeling all your pains, griefs, sorrows. Lean his direction and you'll find you way. My thoughts are with you friend!
Erin - I am so sorry and I kind of understand. I stopped nursing Matthew at 11 weeks because my Crohn's got so bad I was admitted to the hospital for 8 days. And I couldn't nurse Sophie at all because of the rheumatoid arthritis meds. It is hard. There is a book that has been helpful to me lately called The Feel Good Cookbook - just google it if you are interested. This woman talks about a slew of health problems she had and how she has overcome them to be healthy. (Although it sounds like your diet is more restrictive.)I have been following her guidelines for about 7 weeks and it is torture, but I do feel better. Then I cheated and felt really sick for a couple of days...it is super hard but I guess worth it to feel better. My goal now is to follow the diet during the week and then eat what I want on Sundays. That at least gives me a day to feel less restricted. Anyway, sorry for the novel of a comment...email me if you want to chat more. Good luck!
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